It was six years ago today that I told Zach that “something happened” while he was away in Kansas for work, something between me and this guy I had met online name Andy. That was the moment when I faced up to things and took responsibility for my actions, when I committed to seeing where things might lead with Andy. I had no idea what would happen, and certainly Andy didn’t either. I just knew I had to try, had to move forward into a scary uncertain place. Zach was probably the hottest, most devoted guy I had ever been with. The sex was mind-blowing (I admit to fantasizing about it, even years later) and he never stopped thinking about my feelings and needs and how to make me happy. Yet there was something I saw in Andy. I didn’t want to miss it. You could say I was crazy, or selfish maybe.

After all these years, Zach and I are still friends (he’s a staff producer for ABC News in NYC now and he’s the one who turned me onto “Lost”) and Andy and I are still together. I don’t know about destiny; I don’t think I believe in it when it comes to love. I think love is what you make it. It’s what two people build together. In the beginning it’s based on passion and emotion. But in order to stay alive, it has to become something else. Steadfast, constant. A perpetual motion. Love must become ACTION. Even on the days you don’t FEEL it.

It’s not that we never run out of things to stay. It’s that we never run out.

What you should learn from all this, what should make you feel hopeful and optimistic, is that no matter what you think, you can never predict where things are going to go.

I love you Andy.