Jeremy came over last night and we popped in “I’m Going To Tell You A Secret.” Madonna annoys me. Like, a lot. This new one is basically “Truth Or Dare” with a higher mumbo jumbo component. She periodically spits out tired “spiritual” cliches (forgive he who has wronged you and wish him well, the Golden Rule, etc.) as if they’re newly-minted pearls of wisdom that she’s been blessed by heaven to share with the World, and then ten minutes later she disregards them all by calling someone a “fucker” or whining “I don’t have any friends.” If only it were just a straight-on concert film it’d be fairly tolerable. The musicianship of her backing band is pretty solid and the dancers have some good stuff goin’ on (love the tap dancing). But oh no. Not this movie. Instead they can barely stay with a two-minute abridgement of a song before cutting backstage to lots of blah blah blah: “funny” banter, tearful testimony from kith and kin and endless pre-show pep talks/prayer circles with the entourage. And then, just when the the tour ends and you think it’s over, we get a half hour of Madonna touring Israel, spouting Kabbalahbabble and then butchering John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Puhleaze. 

(Sorry Jeremy).