While we were watching the AFI “100 Years, 100 Movies” special on TV last night (a whole other post in itself) we saw a preview for Hairspray. The new movie of the musical. I’m sorry, but it looks wretched and depressing and pukey. I’ve narrowed it down to four reasons:

#1 John Travolta. First off, it is a defecation upon the memory of Divine to have anyone else play Mrs. Edna Turnblad; furthermore, JT’s make-up looks terrible, completely unconvincing, and worst of all UNFUNNY.
#2 The new songs don’t even fit into the period of the story! One of the awesome things about the first movie was that John Waters used actual, original recordings. So much for that idea. Now it’s just more Broadway-style rah rah fakery.
#3 John Waters himself has nothing to do with this incarnation. I’m actually very happy he isn’t. BUT if he was, I’d be more inclined to give the film a chance, knowing that he’d find a way to slip in some tasteless and subversive elements. The new movie looks completely safe and non-threatening.
#4 The new handling of the segregation subplot. In the original, Waters treated segregation as the ULTIMATE manifestation of the “square,” the bourgeoisie. In the new movie, it looks like it’ll be a heavy-handed attempt to “address the issue.” Blech.

I hope that John Waters will use all the megabucks from his royalties to make an actual good movie. In the meantime, I’m gonna steer way clear of this new abomination.