Candy [1968]

1. “I’d give my right arm.” “You know, he’s left-handed.”
2. James Coburn enters the operating theater wearing white loafers.
3. Fake snow stuck to her eyelashes.

This was a beautifully photographed piece of crap. It’s one of those comedies best described as “alarming.” In its quest to be as “outrageous” and “far out” as possible, it jettisons, umm, actually being funny.

There’s nothing more inexcusable than a comedy that isn’t funny. Even a terrible drama can be “good” if it’s unintentionally funny. But a laughless comedy is just pathetic. Any movie that can’t take the notion of Ringo Starr playing a Mexican gardener and make it hilarious is seriously pathetic.

It comes alive for about 30 seconds when John Huston makes his entrance and then again for about a minute when the cop car crashes into the drag queen nightclub. But that’s it.