It’s an episode of “Night Gallery” called “A Zero For Us.” And it stars Bette Davis an an actress who is making her final film before retiring. She’s weary but polite; she wants to end her career on a high note. She’s on location with the film shoot in the Everglades, but the producers have just told her that she needs to relocate in order to shoot some additional scenes elsewhere. So I (a production assistant) get on a bus with Miss Davis; she doesn’t have the proper fare so I pay for her and steer us to some empty seats in the back. The bus is headed to Cincinnati.
Later on we get there and are put up in some sort of a small hotel that’s more like a college dorm. We forget all about the fact that the reason why we’re here is to work on a film. Instead we’re recruited to take part in some kind of Kinsey-like sex survey, and we spend some time in a doctor’s office waiting room. Waiting to be interviewed. When I am finally interviewed, alone, I begin to wonder to myself if this is where the Rod Serling plot twist will appear. Maybe this is part of a screening process so that they can confirm that we have the correct genes for cloning. I theorize about what the title “A Zero For Us” signifies.
Then we cut back to the hallway in the hotel, where I am standing with Miss Davis. A girl who looks like another production assistant comes out and talks to us, confirms it is indeed Bette Davis whom I have brought with me to the hotel. Then the PA smiles and sticks out her arm as an introduction; a sliding accordion partition opens up and out steps Debbie Reynolds, who smiles broadly. I can’t tell what Miss Davis’ reaction is, but I suddenly realize that this is the plot twist.
Then we cut to a title overlay which says that this is additional footage shot in 2000 by Frank Perry. It’s a big bedroom with three or four twin beds side by side. On the floor a group of young guys forms into two parallel columns and everyone starts jacking off. One by one they all cum and shoot fantastically far. I pull down my boxers and join in and keep replaying the scene on the DVD until Miss Davis comes into the room. I tell her that the episode didn’t come out very well.
