Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean [1982]
1. The last sale on the cash register was $0.05.
2. Kathy Bates, a bottle of beer in one hand and a bottle of bourbon in the other: “I wanna drink!”
3. She stands on top of the table and sings a few bars of “Wives and Lovers,” draping the sleeve of her jacket across her chest.
Drive [2011]
1. A rabbit’s foot on his keychain.
2. Something I never thought I’d see: Albert Brooks plunging a fork into someone’s eyesocket.
3. His bloodied face, then he slowly backs out of the frame. Brain matter on the bathroom wall.
This movie teaches us three things: crime doesn’t pay, pulling off one last job before quitting the business never quite pans out, and you shouldn’t make any deals with the guy who’s just killed your best friend. But Refn does his best to make the hackneyed plot beside the point, mixing Walter Hill’s original The Driver with an ubercool Giorgio Moroderesque score by Cliff Martinez, and (the kicker) an arresting performance by Albert Brooks as a villain who’s low-key and vicious in equal measure. Brooks is the best thing about this movie.
Skidoo [1968]
1. How sad is it that in a movie all about gangsters, the only person that actually dies is Arnold Stang?
2. Carol Channing has a freak out, takes off all her clothes, and cavorts on the bed. Andy put it best: “I never thought I’d be seeing Carol Channing’s breasts.”
3. Groucho Marx unconvincingly takes a hit from a joint and exclaims, “Pumpkin!”
So. I finally saw it. Really the only thing wrong with this movie is that it’s not funny. Aside from that it’s a wrongheaded train wreck of unique proportions. Clearly it was brave of Preminger to attempt this, but the script (or whatever it is that ended up on screen) is just fundamentally terrible. Still, what a time capsule. Intriguingly, the scene where they escape from prison in a giant balloon was repeated later almost exactly in Superman!
The Green Hornet [2011]
1. He calls him “Disco Santa Claus.”
2. Britt wipes Kato’s face along the entire length of the glass table.
3. Bullets tear into the giant rolls of newsprint.
Okay, I can glimpse what they were going for … but this movie is a pointless failure. It’s clear Gondry was swallowed up by the demands of the huge budget, and the script is just lame. And yes, fine, you can tell it was actually designed for 3-D, but so what? It sucks in 2-D–surely it sucks just as badly in 3-D. More proof (as I needed it) that superhero movies are a waste of my time.
Demon Seed [1977]
1. He picks up the glass and stirs the martini with the olive. Then he goes to work in the basement laboratory. Is that wise? Combining gin with lasers?
2. “I do not have the necessary materials to duplicate the environment of a human womb.”
3. The peeling sound as the metal plate is removed from the skin.
Rome, Open City [1945]
1. There are two small statues on the table in front of the priest: a nude woman and a saint. They face each other. He pivots the nude woman so that it’s not facing the saint. After studying the new arrangement he realizes the saint is now looking at her ass, and he makes a further adjustment.
2. “Pina, do you think the Americans really exist?” he asks.
She looks over at a bombed building. “It would appear so.”
3. The children walk away, in groups of two, their arms around each other. Fine.
Kundun [1997]
1. An enomous parasol made from peacock feathers.
2. He listens to the patriotic Communist songs being blasted through the loudspeaker, and says, “They’ve taken away our silence.”
3. Mao moves through the room langourously. The cut of his outfit resembles a pair of pajamas. Immaculately polished black shoes.
The Interrupters [2011]
1. The anti-violence procession takes place on a street with many boarded-up buildings. A scuffle breaks out.
2. His mother says, “You need to get your hair cut.”
“I’m getting dreads,” he replies.
She looks down, shakes her head and says, “Lord.”
3. “Little Mikey” helps the kids get ready for their naptime, setting up cots and blankets.
Funny: the entire run of this movie at the Siskel was sold out, so I couldn’t see it here. But it’s playing in Portland so I saw it while I was out there on vacation. Luckily it’ll have a return engagement at the Siskel in October. It’s a must-see. My pal Steven did some great interviews with the producers, Steve James and Alex Kotlowitz.
Scarlet Street [1945]
1. His nickname for Kitty is Lazylegs; for her roommate, Funnyface.
2. “If I had any sense I’d leave you.”
He slaps her twice and says, “But you haven’t got any sense.”
3. He shuffles along, wearing a tattered coat and and an old hat, a hobo bundle slung over his shoulder. Christmas music playing. He walks past the gallery where his own painting has just been sold for $10,000.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes [2011]
1. The other ape approaches Caesar, sniffs him, then rips off Caesar’s human clothes.
2. He wakes up, still clutching his father’s arm. He’s died in the night.
3. Buck gives the helicopter a nudge and it plunges into the bay. Like 007 pushing the car over the cliff in For Your Eyes Only.
